Tips

Discourse

A simple tip for improving discussions and making them more fruitful and enjoyable.

Based on the ideas of experts like Rogers, Popper, Rapoport, Dennett, and others in this field, we can say that people have mostly figured out how to argue properly with other reasonable people.

When talking with most people, it’s important to keep in mind that not everyone is reasonable. Some people, for various reasons, such as believing in pseudoscience, may not be open to discussion. In situations like these, it’s best to avoid trying to have rational conversations altogether. As an alternative, consider the Having Impossible Conversations section below.

Discourse Protocol

For productive and enjoyable discussions try following the Discourse Protocol (DP):

1. Do not proceed until all sides agree on below simple list:
   1. An appropriate time and place for the exchange
   2. Be ready to tolerate criticism
   3. Choose to pause or even end the debate at any time
2. Follow below simple guidelines:
   1. Listen attentively and make the other side feel understood
   2. As Dennet points out, when you try to explain what the other side thinks, make it so clear that they might say, "Thanks, I wish I had said it like that!"
   3. Be humble and ask honest questions to seek understanding
   4. Talk things over rationally, preferably using science
   5. Really think about the idea that you could be wrong and the other side could be right
   6. Remember that agreement is comparatively unimportant, as both side could easily be mistaken (Karl Popper)
3. Repeat items #1 and #2 until any party enacts Item #1c

Having Impossible Conversations

Peter_Boghossian and James A. Lindsay wrote a great book in 2019 entitled How to Have Impossible Conversations: A Very Practical Guide, which is a valuable source of information regarding this topic. This is a very brief, still incomplete, and probably a bit unfair take on their message, but maybe a good mnemonic for some:

• Modeling
  • Be/do what you want them to do
  • Admit ignorance
• Words
  • Be careful
  • Understand their definitions
• Ask questions
  • How/What calibrated open-ended questions, that don’t lead to simple Yes/No
• Acknowledge extremists
  • Create a basis, a bridge
  • Acknowledge extremists on your side, to help bridge the moral divide for your oponent
    • “Antifa are a bunch of fanatics/zealots/radicals and should be arrested”
    • “Looters are destructive whackos and need to be stopped”
  • Don’t expect reciprocation - just build trust
  • Treat their side charitably
• Don’t blame, focus on contribution
• Focus on epistemology
  • How do they know what they claim to know
• Learn what makes someone closed-minded